A Fathers love

The other day I was doing my daily reading & the study that morning was about the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. I know the Lord was trying to speak to me through it because not only did I read it that morning but when I went out to my car & listened to a sermon on the way to work, guess what it was on… yep, you guessed it!...the prodigal son! I couldn’t quite figure out what He wanted me to get from it because I am not far from Him so I knew it wasn’t anything to do with coming back to the Lord. I’m close with Him and spend every morning in His word. So I was trying to look at it from another perspective… and then it hit me… that maybe I don’t accept Gods unconditional love as a father… I constantly think I have to be perfect in order to gain His love…and I wear myself out. Also that there are some things that need to be worked through in my relationship with my biological dad… I realized that I never had that “Father figure” growing up. I never had a dad to tell me he loves me no matter what, to hug me and give me a pat on the back when I did something good. I had a dad… he just never did those things. I honestly can’t recall any good memories I have with my dad growing up. Then as I grew up, I would always seek approval from all the wrong places. Until my step dad came along…He always tried to be that father figure that I never had, BUT, because I had never had that, I wouldn’t allow him to be. I would always keep my heart closed up tight. I would take whatever he said with a pinch of salt. When he would give me compliments or tell me I did good, I would feel awkward and put my guard up. I never grew up with parents that told me they loved me, I had someone recently ask “well how do you know” …I said, I just assumed… they are my parents, they have to love me. Don’t get me wrong, my mum was a great mum & I never doubted that she loved me, we just never said it.

My whole life it was always very difficult to get close to people and I struggled with receiving complements, and still do to a certain extent. I have learned to say “Thank you” and change the subject. The Lord is working with me on that!

It’s only been since I have had a relationship with the Lord have I learned what it’s like to have a “Father”. I lean on Him for EVERYTHING, I go to Him when I struggle, I go to Him when I need to make a decision, I go to Him when I need to hear His truth about myself when I feel insecure, I go to Him when I feel like He is asking me to do something uncomfortable so that He can tell me it will be OK & He’s got my back.

There has been nothing so comforting as knowing I have a father that loves me, cares about me and wants to give me everything my heart desires.

When I read the prodigal son, It reminded me that no matter what I’ve done in my life, who I have tried to seek approval from, God will always be there, approve of me and love me… unconditionally! That also made me realize that my step dad wants to do the same. I need to learn to accept that and be open to receiving his love as a father the way I receive Christ’s. It’s easier said than done!

I was listening to a sermon by Pastor Craig Groeschel the other day and he was talking about how his daughter wanted an i-touch and he was saying there is no way she is getting that. Then he went to watch her in a state spelling competition and he was so proud of her for going to state and have a chance at winning the spelling bee… and then she missed it, she messed up the last word. He said she was crushed and at that point, he wanted to do anything he could to make her happy… so he went and got the i-touch for her to make her feel better and help heal her broken heart!

That’s the way God sees us… He is proud of us and loves us so much… that when we fail or fall, He will do whatever it takes to make us happy, He will pursue us and give us every thing we desire. His heart breaks for us just as much as a parents heart breaks for their kid when they are crushed!

This morning I was reflecting on all that God has done in my life… He has given me EVERYTHING I need… I don’t NEED anything. He has given me almost every desire of my heart, except for one… and that’s a family. But in due time! I don’t worry or doubt because He has come through with everything else for me, I know He will come through on this too, in His time! I have too much work to do for Him right now, to be focusing on that would just be a distraction. God is never late, He is never early, He is always perfectly on time! & as a good friend said this morning “When our heart desires what God desires, He will give it to you”

In the meantime… I will continue to do what He has called me to do, be His hands & feet & to be the light in the world.
Who in your life do you seek approval from? Who in your life keeps your main focus? The Lord should be the answer for both of those. If He wasn't, take a good hard look at why He isn't your sole source of contentment. He is all you need, He loves you more than you can ever fathom... Soak in His love today!

PS… Howard, I love you and I appreciate you being an amazing step dad to me, even when I was the biggest pain in the bum :) Thank you for always loving me the way you have! I love you as if you were my biological dad. I pray that God gives me a man as good as you!