Being vulnerable & lessons learned!

Sometimes the way in which we are walking completely takes a turn to a place we never thought we'd be again. We think God is doing one thing and we are happily walking towards that and then He completely flips it. As Graham Cooke once said "God is consistent in nature, and yet completely unpredictable."

I'm not one to share my "stuff" unless it's with those closest to me. Because being vulnerable is scary AND yet extremely important. I think sometimes there is a purpose in why God allows us to go through things, not just for ourselves, but to share with others in hopes that it would encourage them to keep on walking.

So, here is a little back story and what I have learned from this past season of my life.

I was in a relationship with someone for a couple of years, who I thought I was going to marry. We even went to look at rings at one point and talked about leaving my life here to move. Which in itself was scary as it reminded me so much of my past- But I trusted God and was willing to walk straight into what I feared because I wasn't about to let fear defeat me.

We ended up breaking up, we still loved each other and so proceeded to be in this messy, uncommitted, back and forth of I don't know what, acting like we were in a relationship but never having the "title".

I felt completely unsafe with that, it was extremely unhealthy, and maybe I stayed in that season far longer than I should have. 

I tried to close the door myself many times, but it remained open.

Revelation 3:8
"I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me."


Sometimes we end up in situations that don't make sense, we try to close the door ourselves and it doesn't work…so we wait, learn and trust God in the midst of it.

The funny part about it was for those looking on, I'm sure they wondered what the heck I was doing, as did I at times. But those closest to me knew I was seeking the Lord wholeheartedly during this time and I felt like I was supposed to stand through it until God closed the door. Last week, He did just that. And I am grateful, hurting, but grateful... and expectant.

Levi Lusko said "Hurting with hope still hurts."

It's true… I have hope, but I still hurt. And that's OK.

This is a hard season, but usually the hard seasons reap the greatest harvest.

God doesn't do anything without a purpose and when He says the season is done, it's done. 
But that doesn't mean the whole year is over- I felt like He wanted me to stand every time I wanted to run. There is a reason for that and valuable lessons to be learned.
When God removes something from your life, He is creating room for something far greater! 
It's a new season!  Isaiah 43:19 says: 

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

It's not over… God is doing a NEW thing… 

But before I move on, I think it's good to look back and learn from the past season.

Here are a few things I learned about myself and I hope they help you when you find yourself at the end of a chapter about to walk into a new one.

I sit back and ask myself "Would I do anything differently?"

My answer is, no...

Yes, sometimes I think "ugh, I feel like such a fool- I should have walked away a long time ago."

And I sometimes have thoughts that there must be something wrong with me because I don't seem to have very good luck in the men department - what am I doing wrong? :)
Then a friend said to me "That's not true, remember who you are."

When I look back through the past 4 years - God brought to mind who I USED to be before I started walking with Jesus 7 years ago.
He reminded me of how uncommitted I was in relationships.
How unwilling I was to say sorry.
How afraid I was to work through hard things, or stick it out when it got tough.
How I would allow someone else to define me.
How I would never be willing to be vulnerable and communicate…
and then He reminded me of who I am NOW.

I learned… to seek God when I didn't know what to do.

I learned… that I am committed.

I learned... that I love deeply.

I learned... to trust God even when I doubted a person.

I learned... to work through some hard stuff and not run away.

I learned... to love well.

I learned... to encourage and invest even when it was hard to and I didn't feel like it.

I learned... to forgive.

I learned... to say I'm sorry, and really mean it.

I learned... to apologize for my side and to be a peacemaker.

I learned... to not allow someone else's struggles to bring me down- but to encourage them and lift them up instead.

I learned... to communicate, even when it's hard.

I learned... when to pray through it or talk about it.

I learned... to persevere.

I learned... how to respect even when the person wasn't showing behavior worthy of respect.

I learned... to love unconditionally.

I learned... that I'm loyal to a fault with the wrong person, but with the right person that will be a strength because I will always fight FOR it to work.

I learned... that someone else's actions and words are not a reflection of me or my heart, but their own decisions and their heart.

I learned... that I am still worthy and valuable even if the person walking away doesn't see that value.

I learned... that I know WHO ( and whose) I am and what doesn't work for me.

I learned... that I really do like who I am and the person Jesus has created me to be.

I learned... that I have integrity, I have a strong character, I'm honest, I'm trustworthy, I'm willing to have difficult conversations, and I love genuinely. I have struggles and I don't do things perfectly, but I'm willing to say sorry when I don't do it well and learn from it. I now know that with God, I can handle it and work through anything.

And I now know what I DO want.

I am expectant, hopeful and I KNOW who my God is… He has blessed me with more than I could ever ask or imagine and I don't doubt that this next season of my life will be any different!!! 

He is my protector AND my provider. He is that for you too! Worship Him in the middle!

Good seed is in the ground!

Psalm 85:12

"The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest."

I'm ready for the harvest!

Hillsong: EVEN WHEN IT HURTS

I feel stuck...

I feel so stuck right now. It's like something inside of me wants to come out, but can't.

Can I be honest for a minute?… 

I feel stuck because I feel fenced in by the ministry that I started 4 years ago. 

I have no desire for it anymore, and haven't for a long time. That's a daunting place to be. Because I love the vision, I love what we get to do for people and I want to finish strong, push through the resistance, serve the Lord and make it happen, and yet when I do I just wear myself out. 

I admitted it once last year to the board, and then tried to push through again, and again, and again. I continued with a smiley face like everything was OK, when really, it's not.

I've tried to "go through the motions" and "fake it till you make it" and push through resistance for a good year now, and I feel like I'm doing it all by myself. It's like forcing something forward that doesn't want to move forward... or trying to push a wheelbarrow full of 10 ton bricks…  or even trying to push your hands underneath a house to lift it, thinking it will move… Feels impossible and it's just plain exhausting. And at some point you're so tired of getting nowhere, you just slide to the ground and give up.

But what God gave as a blessing was not meant to be carried as a burden.

So what do you do when it is?

-Let it go?

-Keep pushing?

-Move things around?

-Try yet another a new strategy?

-Look for someone else to run it?

I want to let it go, but I don't want to be a failure.

I want to let it go, but I don't want to quit on something if God had so much more in store with it.

I want to let it go, but I don't want to miss out.

I want to let it go, but what will people think?

I want to let go, but I don't want to disappoint people who have invested in it.

People will say "You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you." Right, and I believe that… but I apparently haven't tapped into that strength when it comes to this. There are other areas in my life that I have felt God strengthen me to do the task at hand, but not with this lately. I have a servants heart, and yet I have no desire to serve with this anymore. I try to remind myself "The greatest resistance is before the biggest breakthrough." But when is the breakthrough gonna come? I only have so much left in me to push.

Gods words says that He gives you the desires of your heart. I believe wholeheartedly that He gave me the desire to start this 4 years ago. But what do you do when the desire is gone and all the praying in the world doesn't bring it back?

I love one piece of it, cutting hair and seeing the light in people's eyes and their whole demeanor change when they walk out.

But the other 90% (managing, planning, books, taxes, keeping up with renewals, website, events, projects, mail, making the decisions, running the board, getting people to volunteer, appreciating the donors and volunteers, keeping everyone connected and involved, trying to figure out what the next step is when everything falls apart or when nothing is working.) that stuff makes up 90% ...and that stuff is not pleasing to me and I sure as heck don't believe that the way I do it is pleasing to God either, because I don't do it very well. It's not my sweet spot. Don't get me wrong, it's been an accepted challenge that I have pushed through for the past 4 years and I have learned a lot. But now I just feel as though I am mismanaging what God gave me…and that is NOT what I want to do in any area of my life. It's hard to keep all the plates in the air.

So…the question deems to be asked:

What if Im hanging on to something that has already died? 

What if God is doing a new thing and I am missing the cue because I am still stuck focusing on trying to resuscitate something that is not meant to be resuscitated, but that possibly wants to be born into something new?

At that crossroads a decision has to be made, but what do you do when you don't know whether to resuscitate or not to resuscitate? That is the question!

...I sit on the floor and sulk. Which doesn't help either the decision or myself. (or anybody else for that matter).

There are so many things I feel changing in my life and I want to follow the Lord, yet I feel like I'm dragging along the weight of a dead animal with me. It stinks, it's heavy, it has no purpose anymore and its preventing me from running the race He set out for me with efficiency. 

So at what point do you Let go of what was, for the what could be to be born.

In the midst of writing this God revealed to me that it's not our job to resuscitate… it's our job to place it into His hands and trust Him with the outcome. 

When you let go of something, God can resurrect it…OR He can give you something else with new life.

But He won't do any of that while we are still holding onto it for dear life. 

There is a new season for everything…Let go of the old one and keep watch for the new.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

A Time for Everything

"For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work?  I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time."

A time to tear down, and a time to build up… I think this is a season of tearing down old ways of doing things, and waiting for God to show me new ways of building up.

I'm not giving up, I'm just letting go of what was, for what could be so that God gets to choose whether to resuscitate or not and then make it beautiful, in it's own time.

Guatemala

Ive been back from Guatemala for 2 weeks and I haven't yet been able to really pull my thoughts together on the whole trip. It was a rollercoatser of emotions. I think I felt every emotion that God has given me.
It was hard, yet heart warming. It was challenging, yet beautiful. It was draining, and yet very fulfilling.
But through it all I saw God more tangibly than I have ever seen Him.

Some days I read things that really hit the point of feelings accumulated over there, and other times there are no feelings... just numbness.

There is so much need and so much darkness that you feel incapable of really being able to do anything. Yet Gods word tells us to be a light in the darkness, to let our light shine. It's what He has called each one of us to do. And while sometimes that feels so minute in the midst of the severity of it all, it can also be the biggest impact in even one persons life.

While we were in Guatemala, there was an accident. There were two people who were killed in the accident. One was a girl named Ani, she was the sister of the boy who I met and sponsored 4 years ago (David Dani). I can't explain to you how much compassion I felt for him in this moment. I didn't know what words to say that could make him feel some sort of comfort, I just sat there on the floor and cried with him.

I read this morning in a blog that sometimes "The gift of your presence IS the present."
Your presence in times of trouble, is the gift to the person grieving.

Dani's brother, Elias, also has a sponsor (Named Kellie) who is a friend of mine, she was on the trip with me and was there to grieve with Elias too.

Gods timing is perfect.

When I met David Dani 4 years ago - 2011

Him and I this trip - 2015

Elias & Kellie Nov 2014

Their sister, Ani

To think that God planned to place Kellie and I there at Casa the week that these two boys needed people who loved them in their time of trouble, just showed me how God is ALWAYS in the details.

So much so, that even when Mike (the man who started Casa) preached a sermon on Sunday called "Are you really saved?" didn't know what was coming a few days later.
He stressed that it's not about religion, or rules, or works…but if you died tomorrow, do you know who Jesus is?
He gave people the opportunity to come forward if they wanted to know Jesus. Ani went that day and stated that she wanted to know Jesus. God knew that a few days later she would be with Him.
God is in the details even when we don't know it in the moment.

I also read in the same blog this morning:
"We serve a God who fulfills His promises, and it is His delight to reveal Himself amidst a swirl of troubles. He calls us to be still and wait patiently, and in His goodness, even gifts us with the faith to do so (Ephesians 2:8). Even before the floodwaters swell over our head, He has already prepared a safe passage."

I hadn't been back to Casa in 4 years, but have always kept in contact with Dani.
I didn't quite know why I was going on this trip and had said no the first time I was asked to come along.
Yet God later put it on my heart to go, even without details of why… then the accident happened and it made me aware that God had already gone before and knew what was coming. He knew that these two boys would need shoulders to cry on. And Kellie and I got the honor of being those two shoulders.

I pray that all Dani and Elias could see in their time of darkness, was God's light shining through two people with no words, but the gift of compassion that God so generously placed in us for that moment.

This generation & commitment...

There are few and far between who practice things anymore, there is more of a "Just do it now coz you might not get to do it again" attitude. I am speaking from a place of struggle & have had to learn to make the switch in my life.

Think about when people diet, instead of getting ourselves ready in the few days before by implementing good habits to lead into the diet well, we gorge on bad foods because we aren't going to eat them for a while. That makes the sugar withdrawals worse and causes us to crash harder than we would have if we hadn't stuffed our face. We make things so much more difficult for ourselves! 

Or think about when we are single, we do things that we say we wouldn't do when we get married because "One day I'll be married and won't be able to do this" as though it's a prison sentence and a place of restriction. 

Yet the very thing you are doing, you are practicing…and that habit will become stronger.

Instead we need to get in the mind set of PRACTICE, and practice the RIGHT habit. 

I think older generations did this well, this generation has lost that mind set.

We all need to start practicing; practice commitment, practice work ethic, practice your word, practice your character, your values and morals. Marriages fall apart these days because we live in such a instant gratification world and if it isn't making ME happy then I need to get rid of it and find the thing that does. People don't understand the importance of a vow before God, a commitment made, a given word.

Back in the day people never wrote contracts, they shook hands and gave their word. These days even a written contract is a joke. How did we get here? ...and how do we get back?

I want to see marriages like my grandparents, 67 years and still going. It's not easy, they sometimes don't like each other, but they committed and made it work.

Before you go getting all uptight telling me sometimes there are reasons for divorce…I get that, I've been married…and divorced. It may have been the toughest thing I've gone through this far in my life, but the biggest blessing also. It has given me a new appreciation & respect for marriage.

You see, before I was married I thought marriage was just a piece of paper. It certainly wasn't that big of a deal if it didn't work and we just moved on. But as I've gone through some things; become a Christian, learned the standard that God set in place for the very thing He created, and seen Godly marriages around me, I realize marriage is a lot more than a piece of paper.

It's a vow…not just to your spouse, but to God. A commitment…not just to your spouse, but to God. And in order to stand firm in this, you must practice. You must practice keeping your word, building your character, standing for what you believe in or value most, practice being faithful, practice where you let your eyes look, practice honor, love, purity and self control. You can do this in any aspect of life. Any friendship, job, relationship, even if you're not married (it'll prepare you for when you are).

I read in a book by Andy Stanley once that practicing commitment is like training for a marathon. You can't one day "be committed" just like you can't one day "run a marathon". As much as your little heart desires it ain't gonna happen…unless you train for it! Practice the right things!!!!!

I am not perfect and I still have a lot of work in this arena, I'm not running a marathon yet. But when the time comes to be committed, I will do it because I've practiced, over and over and over again. 

I pray for our generation and the one following, that they would learn to practice the important things in life. Not what the new fashion is, how to take a selfie, or how to post a bajillion things on Facebook, instagram or twitter. But to really build their character, be people of their word, remain faithful even in the hard times, be authentic, truthful and own up to their mistakes, to be graceful and forgive, to work hard no matter what position they are in, and most of all to be committed to their spouse when the time comes.

In 2011 I wrote on "Practice makes perfect" you can check it out by clicking on that phrase.

What is Gods will?

…that’s always the big question.
Well recently God made that fantastically clear to me and I’d like to share it with anyone who wants to inherit the wisdom! That is, of course, Gods will!

Let me explain…

A will or testament is :

“A legal declaration of a persons wishes regarding his property after death.”

This was also interesting to me… The word property is also described as

 “An attribute, quality or characteristic of something.”

Inheritance is:

“Passing on of property, titles, debts, rights, obligations upon death of an individual.”

 “Usually people leave an inheritance in their will and a person does not become an heir of that inheritance before the death of the deceased, since the exact identity of the persons entitled to inherit is determined only then. DECIDED UPON, OR CHOSEN BY A PERSON IN AUTHORITY.”

 Wow… you can see where I’m going with this right?

God has authority and chose to leave us an inheritance as his children, BUT someone had to die in order for us to receive it. So he sent Jesus to this earth to teach us and pay our debt by dying for us. Why?... SO THAT not only are we free from a debt we could never pay, but NOW we can inherit God’s estate, property (characteristics, quality, attributes) and alllllll that is in his will.

Side note: An inheritance cannot be EARNED…it is GIVEN! It is available to you NOW because Jesus died. You receive it BY FAITH.

The word inheritance is in the bible 239 times… I think God was trying to make it clear to us that we have one! You are an heir with Christ! 

On our journey as Christians its up to us to learn what that will holds so that we can not only please God, but also receive every bit of that inheritance! I don’t want to live my life oblivious to what’s really mine…and yours!

So I wrote down just a few of the things that I think are part of His will…you can think about it and write a few more of your own.

The first is:

Salvation… It means “Help in distress, rescue, deliver, SET FREE.” Jesus did that for us when he died on the cross…that’s ours to receive. We need not try to earn anything by trying to be a “Good person.”

Rest…ahhh it’s yours

Purpose…it’s yours

Direction…it’s yours

Satisfaction…it’s yours

Patience…yes, even that!

Integrity…it’s yours

Freedom…it’s yours

Forgiveness…it’s yours

Love… it’s yours

Peace…oh yes, that’s yours too!

Joy…it’s yours, receive it!

Grace…it’s yours
Wisdom…it's yours

A Firm Foundation…it’s yours

Mercy…it’s yours

Eternal life! …it’s yours if you want it!

Hope…it’s yours!

Meaning…it’s yours

Holy spirit…it’s definitely yours!

Restoration…it’s yours

A new heart…it’s yours

Strength…it’s yours

Healing…it’s yours!

Guidance…it’s yours

Perseverance…it’s yours, reach out and take it.

Fruits of the spirit…ALL of them!

Stop striving to attain what is already yours, you want to know what God’s will is? It’s receiving all that He has given you.

By GRACE you have been saved, now by FAITH you can receive.

Guard your heart… it's not what you think.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." ~ Proverbs 4:23

Often you hear people tell you to "Guard your heart" when in a relationship or a certain situation. Although they mean well and are basically telling you to be wise and protect yourself. I disagree... I want to come at it from a different angle.

If we are to be as Jesus is, to live selflessly, for HIM to love others as these verses state:
"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friend." (John 15:13)

"Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life will find it" (Matthew 16:25)  

"Trust in the Lord with ALL our heart, lean not on our OWN understanding" (Proverbs 3:5)

 Or even "The Lord keeps you from all harm, He will watch over your life." (Psalm 121:7)

Then why would He want US to protect OURSELVES? That is not our job. That would mean His word is contradicting itself. He would not tell us to lay our lives down, or to trust Him to protect us, AND to protect ourselves. It's a vulnerable place to trust someone else to protect us. And His word above is for sure backwards of the way the world does things. In the world WE are our only hope, and WE have to make things happen, protect ourselves, direct our own path, and stand up for what we want. But if WE do it, it's all in OUR might, all in OUR ability and all up to us! That's a lot of pressure.

I believe that when He tells us to guard our hearts He means "Guard it from being corrupted." I read that in a friends blog years ago and I never fully grasped what it actually meant. It has only been recently, through my own walk with Jesus that He has been showing me how stable I can be when standing on His word, and how I waiver with fear when I don't.

I believe that He wants us to guard our hearts, yes…but not from being hurt or broken. I believe He wants us to guard our hearts from DOUBT, from UNBELIEF, from SADNESS, from SUSPICION.

Because what we take IN, will manifest itself inside of us and eventually flow OUT.

 It will affect everything we do! As I read in this blog many years back … "Sometimes guarding your heart means allowing it to be broken." That's a tough thing to swallow. Jesus wants to take us places our fears won't let us go… a place where we have to cling so tightly to Him because we can't get through it without Him. If we PROTECT our hearts from unknown, potentially frightening places, we won't follow Him to where He wants us to go.

When God brings us into a situation that can sometimes be painful, our wordily view is to get out. It's up to us to make our decisions and remove ourselves from the situation. Well, sometimes that doesn't work, and God has you right where you are for a purpose. In those times He is training you to walk by FAITH and not by SIGHT. He is teaching you to see with your spiritual eyes what He promised, even though the reality looks nothing like it. He is reminding you to trust HIM, not the circumstance or the person. He is wanting you to practice guarding your heart from unbelief and continuing to believe for the miracle. He wants you to learn that when everything around you looks nothing like what He has spoken to you, that is your que to speak words of life & faith to yourself. Bust out the thanksgiving for all He is doing in your life, even the things you cannot see. His word tells us that when we pray, HE HEARS US "And since we know He hears us when we make requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for." 1 John 5:15 and that He gives us whatever we wish "If you remain in me, and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." John 15:7

So knowing that He has heard us, and He plans to give us what we ask for… we need to guard our hearts from doubt and THANK HIM in the meantime! Because He is a faithful God. Thank Him for how HE is going to work it out. Be expectant and watchful for that seed to manifest in your life. "Now faith is confidence in what we HOPE FOR and assurance of what we DO NOT SEE." Hebrews 11:1

He tells us what to do when we are living in the middle of a promise. Our job is to respond by walking it out.

We waiver when we try to take things into our own hands and protect ourselves. I am writing this blog as much for me as I am anybody else. I struggle with this TREMENDOUSLY. Which is where this blog got birthed from.
His word also says:

"But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." ~ James 1:6

I don't want that kind of faith. I have lived too long wavering back and forth, it's exhausting. I want the kind of faith that is stable, steadfast and strong. I can only have that when I guard my heart from unbelief, doubt and anything that contradicts what God says in His word.

The world will tell you you need to make it happen yourself. God will tell you to trust Him, abide and let Him do it. That's called surrender.

Trust Him, He will lead you in the right way, and your job is to respond in a Godly manner.

What God taught me in 2014

This is a follow up of the previous blogpost. The first post was a rundown of what I studied & favorite things I tried to implement in my life last year (& still hope to this year)… this is all God taught me through it!

He taught me:

- How to rest not only externally but internally.

- That I have responsibility, not control. (response-ability, the ability to respond.)

- How to fight fear with faith!

- That I have the power to CHOOSE to speak life and control my thoughts!

- How to not entertain worry and negative thought patterns but to fill my mind with His words.

- That I don't have to indulge the flesh and feelings don't have to dictate my actions.

- That the words I speak will come back to me with something.

- How to have peace and be content no matter the situation.

- To trust Him.

- That He has my best interest at heart.

- That He is in the details.

- That I may fail and will need the grace that I don't always give to others!

- To not let my SELF get angry or bitter because it doesn't get it's way.

- To EMBRACE MY PLACE and be in the moment!

- To focus on Him- WHAT I FOCUS ON EXPANDS.

- To believe the best in others, to trust rather than to be suspicious.

- That people are sometimes deceived and to hate the SIN not the SINNER.

- To not respond out of my fear. To take time to see what He says about it.

- Not to fear the unknown. He is still there.

- That He will give me the wisdom to handle any situation.

- How to make great decisions based on His word.

- To WAIT and be patient.

- To pray, even when I don't feel like it.

- To CHOOSE joy.

- How to love someone without taking what they do personal.

- How to respond out of wisdom and not emotion. (still not perfect at it though!)

- How to forgive.

- How to speak truth and share my concerns.

- That it's not my job to PROTECT myself, "Whoever lies down their life finds it"

- That He is the God of justice and He will take care of it.

- How to let others make their own choices and not try to control.

- That I find peace when I let go and give people, fears & struggles into His possession. 

- To love and respect, even when it's not deserved. Because it comes from HIM not me. And once I receive it from Him, I can then give it to others.

- That I cannot give what I have not been given.

- That I am to get my needs met from Him, not others.

- That I am to give without expectations of receiving. 

- That I need not fear deception because He will reveal to me what needs to be revealed in the right time and He will give me the appropriate response in the right time. I need not worry and waste time on what MIGHT happen.

- That "Guarding my heart" does not mean to guard it from being broken by protecting it. It means guard it from being corrupted, from doubt, from fear, from unbelief. As everything that flows FROM it will direct your actions. 

2014 Reflection

In 2013 I took a challenge from somebody to study 2 words a month in 2014 for 11 out of 12 months.

I was to choose two words that I struggled with, was weak in, or that I wanted to learn to grow in a particular area. One was to be an internal weakness, and one was to be an external weakness.

I took the last few months of 2013 to plan and prepare for what materials I would use to accomplish this. Podcasts, books, and scriptures that all applied to the words I chose.  So that all of 2014 could be dedicated to study time. And for once in my life, I actually finished something I started!

So to reflect on 2014 I will somehow scrunch some of the most impactful things I learned last year, into todays blog! These are all my favorite things from the resources I studied. I hope they can be beneficial to you as you start this New Year! 

January:  Trust & Rest

(Studied from Graham Cooke & Andy Stanley)

“You can CHOOSE to place trust in gap between what you SEE & what you EXPERIENCE. “

“When you fill the gap with anything other than trust, it erodes.”

“ You cannot have TRUST without REST, or REST, without TRUST.“

“You can’t trust in the Lord and be anxious, one of them has to go.”

“Rest is a major part of renewal.”

“Rest allows you to see the provision of God through the problem that is present.”

“God always has an agenda in your rest. So that you can overcome, or believe Him for something.”

February: Expectations & Control

 (Studied from Steven Furtick & Lisa Bevere)

“ I have a RESPONSIBILITY & that’s the ABILITY TO RESPOND.“

“It is fallacy to believe that by studying our past we can prevent it. Looking at our past does not guarantee our future…it prevents it.” (Lisa Bevere)

“Even when we think we have figured out the plan, God never does what we expect. In reality, He always does more.”

“It’s now your choice to believe or remain bound.”

“Expectation leads to INVITATION, PREPERATION, & PERSPIRATION.”

“Between what you EXPECT & what you EXPERIENCE is the frustration gap, place trust there and let God fill the gap.” 

“Don’t lower your expectations, raise them up to what GOD can do. Doubt and fear in your heart, but still digging because you trust God.” 

“When parts of my heart or life don’t tend to measure up to my EXPECTATIONS, I tend to hide them. But what if someone would be blessed by what I have to share and they miss out because I hide it?”

March: Identity & Authenticity

“There is a difference between GROWTH & PERFECTION.“

PERFECTION is all or nothing.

GROWTH is little by little.

PERFECTION is all about the goal.

GROWTH is more about the journey.

PERFECTION is about outward appearances.

GROWTH is about what happens on the inside.

PERFECTION is about what we do,

GROWTH is about who we’re becoming.

“True confidence leads to service, insecurity turns inward.”

“Accountability to one another is healthy and helpful. When we are regularly accountable, we’re less likely to stumble, more likely to see truth accurately, and less likely to get away with sinful and unwise actions.”

“Qualities to look for in accountability: VULNERABILITY, TEACHABILITY, AVAILABILITY, AND HONESTY.

“Being authentic in your relationship with Christ, helps you to be authentic in your relationships with people.”

“What is your aim in life? AUTHENTICITY? Or ACCEPTANCE?”

“If we only change our habits and not our hearts, we will find ourselves living unauthentically and it’s not sustainable.”

“Be faithful. Stay focused. Trust in the Lord.”

April: Love & Selflessness

“Suffering is having to endure what we very much don’t want to have to endure… rejoice in it.”

“Love suffers long, but your natural inclination is to cut it short.“

“God loves people that He KNOWS will never love Him.”

“It is not my place to judge, but to LOVE with what He has given me. & When I love others, I love Him.”

“He does everything in love, even the tough stuff. He has my best interest at heart and His heart doesn’t expect anything in return when He loves me.”

“He is committed to me, passionate about me and shares in the same intimate details of my life-even when I am not focused on him.”

 “Love without reservation, Love without expectation, Love with passion and intimacy. “

“When we push for our own rights rather than lay them down, it becomes a competition and battle ground rather than a place of peace and healing.”

“Love others in obedience to Christ, not because they deserve it.”

“When you are looking at someone else to meet your needs, you are self-focused, which always leads to dissatisfaction.”

“Agape love is born of divine strength. It has the power to be creatively weak. It is not driven by need so it has the power to wait.”

“Agape love finds goodness in living while we are victims of situations we despise.”

“No circumstance, past, present, future, can rob you of your joy or control your life. Unless you give it the power to.”

“There is one thing that can rob you of your joy: Selfishness.” 

“Guard your heart does not mean guard it from being hurt and to protect it from all outside sources. It means guard it from doubt, unbelief and what responses come out of it. Because that will ultimately guide your steps.”

“Any struggle is designed to show your heart. What you really are, what you really love, and what you really want.”

May: Worth & Leadership

“Self accepting people do not base their worth on the opinions and moods of those around them.“

Making a good impression shrinks compared to making a difference for someone else.”

“While you are UNWORTHY to receive His grace & mercy, you are certainly not worthless.”

“Low self esteem is a form of self centeredness”

“Low self esteem is a place of pain and when you are in pain you are too focused on yourself to adequately give to others.”

 “Self acceptance is viewing yourself the way God views you.”

“Never say someone’s ‘NO’ for them.”

“The more confidently you do it, the better off everyone will be.”

“You are a hand or a foot- part of the body. You cant be more than one or both… you were designed to fulfill the purpose of being one and being that to the best of your ability.“

June: Fear & Emotions

 (Studied from Lysa TerKuerst, Steven fur tick & others)

“TAKE YOUR THOUGHTS CAPTIVE.”

“Choose FAITH instead of FEAR.”

“Filter any thought through Gods filter- Philippians 4:8-9”

“Because my fears were familiar, I trusted them more than I trusted God.”

“Trust Gods plan.”

“God says ‘I am going places your fears won’t let you go, and I want you to come with me.’”

“you will only get stronger by PUSHING through your fear, not getting it out of your life.”

“The root of fear is REJECTION, LOSS, FAILURE, OR THE UNKNOWN.”

“The Israelites forsook Gods promises to embrace their fears. They placed faith in their fears. In doing so they chose the devils lies over Gods truth. Instead of inheriting the promises, they inherited their fears.“

“ Fear is only empowered to the degree we yield to its deception.“

“Fear must be EVICTED.”

“The battle of fear is waged in our minds.”

“Fear questions, distorts, and undermines what God says.”

“when we are confused, we are unstable.”

“God gave me emotions to experience life, not destroy it.” (Lysa Terkeurst)

“I can face things out of my control and not act out of control.”

“We don’t develop new responses until we develop new thoughts.”

“Emotions are good INDICATORS but not good DICTATORS.”

“To that which you give your energy EXPANDS.”

"You experience your perspective." (From God to me)

July: Failure & Communication 

(Studied from John Maxwell & Clayton King)

“Fail fast & forget about it.“

“ Linger on the lesson, don’t fixate on the failure.“

“Just because you mess up, doesn’t mean you give up.”

“There is NO achievement without failure.”

“Failure Is not final.”

“With empathy, acknowledge the rights and feelings of others & listen.”

Messages that we speak have 3 parts:

Verbal 7%

Vocal 38%

Visual 55%

“I am only responsible for me. Use “I” statements, not “you” statements.”

“Perspectives between men and women are different. Not right or wrong, just different.”

“Truth defeats the lies we believe.”

“Empty spaces beg to be filled…what are you filling them with?”

“Communicating your feelings can be tough when you feel stuck. Stuckness makes you feel incompetent with words.”

“I can make good choices that lead to healthy responses.”

“We can never get so secure in ourselves that we can never be moved.”

“Confronting someone is hard, and the risk of discovering something worse than you suspect can be enough to paralyze you until the whole relationship goes up in smoke. The alternative to practicing what scripture calls “speaking truth in love” is continuing to communicate a lie in fear. That’s no way to live.”

August: Acceptance & Voice

“ If we use silence as self-protection, as a way to avoid confrontation or hard decisions, we do not glorify God.“

“Our silence will only create spiritual defeat within us.“

“Don’t sacrifice yourself in order to maintain a relationship.”

When we fully understand that God accepts us, we don’t are seek acceptance from others.

“The act of acceptance is a choice.”

“Identify your trigger responses & warning signs. Irrational thoughts, fast heart beat, laser focus, fear? Because you can’t have smart, difficult conversations when you are being “triggered” your brain doesn’t think logically, you are in your “Responsive” state. So have an emergency response strategy for when you are caught off guard.”  

“You get to choose what you say, does it speak truth & life? “

“What someone else does is a reflection of THEIR heart, not yours.”

“Happiness is a symptom of circumstance, Joy is a product of perspective.” (Steven Furtick)

September: Joy & words

“Joy is an internal state of contentment not matter the circumstance.“

“Death & life are in the power of the tongue.“

“John 6:53 clearly shows us that if we speak the words that Jesus spoke then we are speaking life into existence. The words we speak produce spiritual results.”

“In Isaiah 55:11 it says that are words do not come back to us void & they accomplish what they set out to do…which means they are coming back to us and bringing with them what they set out to do… what do you want them to bring back to you?”

“Your words effect your body…are you bringing health to your body?”

“What comes out of your mouth is what you believe.”

“Only god can give us joy in the midst of uncertainty. Only God can give us joy in the midst of defeat. Only God can give us joy in the midst of sadness.”

“Gracious words are like honey to the body and soul. Destructive words can ruin your health.”

October: Safety/Security & forgiveness

“By foolishly trying to build security and structure, I had inadvertently torn it down.“ (Lisa Bevere)

“Do you know what we often do when we don’t feel safe? We try to construct elaborate systems of law and requirements so that we know what to expect and so that we feel in control.”

“ Whatever you rehearse in your mind will eventually seep into your heart as a belief.”

“Respond to God instead of reacting to people.”

“In order for me to really want to GO, something has to happen to make me want to leave where I am.”

“Your security and safety is in Him, not other people or certain situations. Learn to trust God even when you don’t see or understand.”

“Trust God to protect you when you choose to lay down your rights and forgive.” 

“Jesus will test you to teach you.”

“Forgiveness is NOT weakness. IT is the ultimate portal to Christ.”

“Forgiveness is the operating system of Christianity.”

“Overcome evil with good.”

“An un-Christ like response would be to flee the whole mess, severing relationships and refusing to forgive.”

November: Lust & Confrontation

“Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body.“

“Does not have to be sexual to be lust…could be a lust for knowledge, a lust for power, a lust for a different life, a lust for food.“

“Confrontation is to speak the truth in love. It is a spirit-led confrontation where it is vital to tell the truth so others can live in God’s reality rather than personal illusion.”

“focus on the issue, don’t attack the person.”

“God doesn’t tell you to FIGHT or RESIST sexual temptation like he tells you with other temptations.  He tells you to FLEE. Flee from anything that will harm your purity.”

“You are giving the person the right to their feelings and perceptions as their personal realities. When you listen, your support enhances their dignity, even when you don’t agree.”

“Differences can be opportunities to exercise submission to one another.”

We ALL need to be heard, loved, understood & accepted.