As I sit here in a completely empty apartment, plane ticket purchased, apartment deposit paid, car and possessions sold...I realize it's a done deal, I'm moving to Guatemala.
Almost a year ago when God first laid it on my heart to lay my life down here in Charlotte for a season to live and serve in Guatemala, I fought Him on it. "No way, absolutely not" were the first thoughts that ran through my head. I always prayed and told God that I would do anything for him...just not that. Why on earth would He ask me to do such a thing? I'm rooted here, I have been at my job 10 years, I have been at my church almost 8...I'm comfortable here...ahh...that could have something to do with it.
I love everything about my life here, but I wonder if God wanted to test that and see if I would be willing to put Him above all that I love, or would I choose to hang on to it? His word says:
"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it."
~ Matthew 10:39
Think about Peter, he had a successful career as a fisherman. Jesus asked Him to lay that down and follow Him. Peter had no idea what that would look like, he just knew that he needed to follow Jesus, whatever the future held.
Matthew 4:18-20
18 As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 19 “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” 20 At once they left their nets and followed him."
I wonder if they ever had any doubt, or fear AFTER they dropped everything to follow? I know I did. I started walking this journey out last July and by December I threw the towel in.
In fact I remember the month before sitting in a restaurant with a friend in Guatemala telling her that I wasn't doing it, that God could pick someone else. Yet here I am 11 months later, just like Jonah, right back where I started. I know without a doubt that this is what God has asked me to do.
I have had immense fear, and sometimes still do. It depends on the day. Sometimes people ask me how I'm feeling, sometimes I say I'm great, other times I want to break down in tears. It's been overwhelming, exciting, emotional, challenging, and extremely tiring. But all of which brings me to a place on the other side of it faced with peace and expectation.
I read somewhere that HOPE doesn't mean an idea that we think MIGHT happen...it means to stand confident with expectation and anticipation that something IS going to happen. Today I feel that kind of hope as to what God has in store for this move. It is a major transition, and feels very surreal at the moment, but His plans are always better than I could ever imagine.
