Why do you have so little faith?...

I was reading Matthew 6:25-34 this morning …Take a read and notice the one question that packs a punch…

25 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

28 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God[a] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.


For me, it was in verse 30…

Matthew 6:30
And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

Lately I have let my thoughts and worries of the future take away my joy of today.
Because my faith was in what I could see … and that day, what I could see wasn't much of anything.

Instead of placing my faith in the God I KNOW, in the God I TRUST; who has ALWAYS been faithful, who has ALWAYS come through for me, I let my eyes be fixed on my circumstances, and that took away my peace.

True rest of the mind and spirit comes from placing your trust in God. That He is faithful to keep His promises. He has not failed me yet in this life, He won't start now.
I have to remember His past faithfulness to know that He has got my future too.
Things don't always work out the way we planned… but His plans end up being SO much better!

Ultimately I have to remember that
He loves me (& you) ~ (Rom 5:8)…
He has good plans for me (& you) ~ (Jer 29:11)…
& He is a promise keeper (To me & you) ~ (Deut 7:9).

With that foundation our faith cannot be little!

Not making a decision is a decision…or is it?

There is a famous comment that people like to use to force you to make a decision that goes something like this: "Not making a decision IS a decision."

Well…yeah, it is in a way, a decision not to do anything. BUT I was reading something Graham Cooke wrote yesterday (You can read it here) He said that when in doubt…give up. Which on the surface seems a bit strange, especially because we live in a culture of "DON'T GIVE UP" "YOU CAN DO IT" "KEEP GOING".
But he actually made a great point. That when we are in doubt, give up…surrender…to what God wants to do instead.
I really liked his viewpoint because so often we feel like we have to make a decision and come up with a solution for every problem we face, or every circumstance we try to manipulate (we all do it somewhere in life, don't act like you don't) I think it's just part of the human brain, it has to figure out a problem.
But what is surrender? Is it just sitting doing nothing? No, I believe it is seeking God for Him to guide us in the right way. It's us letting go of the outcome that WE think should happen, and standing with open hands to say "OK God, this might not go in the direction to what I think, but I am good with wherever you take this" and to let time play it out.
There is a time and a place for making decisions, I'm not saying go through life never making a decision again. I am talking about the things you are truly struggling to come up with a solution for, the things that you really don't know which way to go, the things that you just don't know. In that case, surrender.  Let time play out and let God guide you in the way you should go. Because eventually you'll know… and when you know, you'll know that you know!... And THEN you can make your decision.

His word says:
Proverbs 16:9
"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."

Ultimately the decision we make He will work for good according to His purpose anyway.

Romans 8:28 says:
"And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Being vulnerable & lessons learned!

Sometimes the way in which we are walking completely takes a turn to a place we never thought we'd be again. We think God is doing one thing and we are happily walking towards that and then He completely flips it. As Graham Cooke once said "God is consistent in nature, and yet completely unpredictable."

I'm not one to share my "stuff" unless it's with those closest to me. Because being vulnerable is scary AND yet extremely important. I think sometimes there is a purpose in why God allows us to go through things, not just for ourselves, but to share with others in hopes that it would encourage them to keep on walking.

So, here is a little back story and what I have learned from this past season of my life.

I was in a relationship with someone for a couple of years, who I thought I was going to marry. We even went to look at rings at one point and talked about leaving my life here to move. Which in itself was scary as it reminded me so much of my past- But I trusted God and was willing to walk straight into what I feared because I wasn't about to let fear defeat me.

We ended up breaking up, we still loved each other and so proceeded to be in this messy, uncommitted, back and forth of I don't know what, acting like we were in a relationship but never having the "title".

I felt completely unsafe with that, it was extremely unhealthy, and maybe I stayed in that season far longer than I should have. 

I tried to close the door myself many times, but it remained open.

Revelation 3:8
"I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me."


Sometimes we end up in situations that don't make sense, we try to close the door ourselves and it doesn't work…so we wait, learn and trust God in the midst of it.

The funny part about it was for those looking on, I'm sure they wondered what the heck I was doing, as did I at times. But those closest to me knew I was seeking the Lord wholeheartedly during this time and I felt like I was supposed to stand through it until God closed the door. Last week, He did just that. And I am grateful, hurting, but grateful... and expectant.

Levi Lusko said "Hurting with hope still hurts."

It's true… I have hope, but I still hurt. And that's OK.

This is a hard season, but usually the hard seasons reap the greatest harvest.

God doesn't do anything without a purpose and when He says the season is done, it's done. 
But that doesn't mean the whole year is over- I felt like He wanted me to stand every time I wanted to run. There is a reason for that and valuable lessons to be learned.
When God removes something from your life, He is creating room for something far greater! 
It's a new season!  Isaiah 43:19 says: 

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

It's not over… God is doing a NEW thing… 

But before I move on, I think it's good to look back and learn from the past season.

Here are a few things I learned about myself and I hope they help you when you find yourself at the end of a chapter about to walk into a new one.

I sit back and ask myself "Would I do anything differently?"

My answer is, no...

Yes, sometimes I think "ugh, I feel like such a fool- I should have walked away a long time ago."

And I sometimes have thoughts that there must be something wrong with me because I don't seem to have very good luck in the men department - what am I doing wrong? :)
Then a friend said to me "That's not true, remember who you are."

When I look back through the past 4 years - God brought to mind who I USED to be before I started walking with Jesus 7 years ago.
He reminded me of how uncommitted I was in relationships.
How unwilling I was to say sorry.
How afraid I was to work through hard things, or stick it out when it got tough.
How I would allow someone else to define me.
How I would never be willing to be vulnerable and communicate…
and then He reminded me of who I am NOW.

I learned… to seek God when I didn't know what to do.

I learned… that I am committed.

I learned... that I love deeply.

I learned... to trust God even when I doubted a person.

I learned... to work through some hard stuff and not run away.

I learned... to love well.

I learned... to encourage and invest even when it was hard to and I didn't feel like it.

I learned... to forgive.

I learned... to say I'm sorry, and really mean it.

I learned... to apologize for my side and to be a peacemaker.

I learned... to not allow someone else's struggles to bring me down- but to encourage them and lift them up instead.

I learned... to communicate, even when it's hard.

I learned... when to pray through it or talk about it.

I learned... to persevere.

I learned... how to respect even when the person wasn't showing behavior worthy of respect.

I learned... to love unconditionally.

I learned... that I'm loyal to a fault with the wrong person, but with the right person that will be a strength because I will always fight FOR it to work.

I learned... that someone else's actions and words are not a reflection of me or my heart, but their own decisions and their heart.

I learned... that I am still worthy and valuable even if the person walking away doesn't see that value.

I learned... that I know WHO ( and whose) I am and what doesn't work for me.

I learned... that I really do like who I am and the person Jesus has created me to be.

I learned... that I have integrity, I have a strong character, I'm honest, I'm trustworthy, I'm willing to have difficult conversations, and I love genuinely. I have struggles and I don't do things perfectly, but I'm willing to say sorry when I don't do it well and learn from it. I now know that with God, I can handle it and work through anything.

And I now know what I DO want.

I am expectant, hopeful and I KNOW who my God is… He has blessed me with more than I could ever ask or imagine and I don't doubt that this next season of my life will be any different!!! 

He is my protector AND my provider. He is that for you too! Worship Him in the middle!

Good seed is in the ground!

Psalm 85:12

"The LORD will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest."

I'm ready for the harvest!

Hillsong: EVEN WHEN IT HURTS

I feel stuck...

I feel so stuck right now. It's like something inside of me wants to come out, but can't.

Can I be honest for a minute?… 

I feel stuck because I feel fenced in by the ministry that I started 4 years ago. 

I have no desire for it anymore, and haven't for a long time. That's a daunting place to be. Because I love the vision, I love what we get to do for people and I want to finish strong, push through the resistance, serve the Lord and make it happen, and yet when I do I just wear myself out. 

I admitted it once last year to the board, and then tried to push through again, and again, and again. I continued with a smiley face like everything was OK, when really, it's not.

I've tried to "go through the motions" and "fake it till you make it" and push through resistance for a good year now, and I feel like I'm doing it all by myself. It's like forcing something forward that doesn't want to move forward... or trying to push a wheelbarrow full of 10 ton bricks…  or even trying to push your hands underneath a house to lift it, thinking it will move… Feels impossible and it's just plain exhausting. And at some point you're so tired of getting nowhere, you just slide to the ground and give up.

But what God gave as a blessing was not meant to be carried as a burden.

So what do you do when it is?

-Let it go?

-Keep pushing?

-Move things around?

-Try yet another a new strategy?

-Look for someone else to run it?

I want to let it go, but I don't want to be a failure.

I want to let it go, but I don't want to quit on something if God had so much more in store with it.

I want to let it go, but I don't want to miss out.

I want to let it go, but what will people think?

I want to let go, but I don't want to disappoint people who have invested in it.

People will say "You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you." Right, and I believe that… but I apparently haven't tapped into that strength when it comes to this. There are other areas in my life that I have felt God strengthen me to do the task at hand, but not with this lately. I have a servants heart, and yet I have no desire to serve with this anymore. I try to remind myself "The greatest resistance is before the biggest breakthrough." But when is the breakthrough gonna come? I only have so much left in me to push.

Gods words says that He gives you the desires of your heart. I believe wholeheartedly that He gave me the desire to start this 4 years ago. But what do you do when the desire is gone and all the praying in the world doesn't bring it back?

I love one piece of it, cutting hair and seeing the light in people's eyes and their whole demeanor change when they walk out.

But the other 90% (managing, planning, books, taxes, keeping up with renewals, website, events, projects, mail, making the decisions, running the board, getting people to volunteer, appreciating the donors and volunteers, keeping everyone connected and involved, trying to figure out what the next step is when everything falls apart or when nothing is working.) that stuff makes up 90% ...and that stuff is not pleasing to me and I sure as heck don't believe that the way I do it is pleasing to God either, because I don't do it very well. It's not my sweet spot. Don't get me wrong, it's been an accepted challenge that I have pushed through for the past 4 years and I have learned a lot. But now I just feel as though I am mismanaging what God gave me…and that is NOT what I want to do in any area of my life. It's hard to keep all the plates in the air.

So…the question deems to be asked:

What if Im hanging on to something that has already died? 

What if God is doing a new thing and I am missing the cue because I am still stuck focusing on trying to resuscitate something that is not meant to be resuscitated, but that possibly wants to be born into something new?

At that crossroads a decision has to be made, but what do you do when you don't know whether to resuscitate or not to resuscitate? That is the question!

...I sit on the floor and sulk. Which doesn't help either the decision or myself. (or anybody else for that matter).

There are so many things I feel changing in my life and I want to follow the Lord, yet I feel like I'm dragging along the weight of a dead animal with me. It stinks, it's heavy, it has no purpose anymore and its preventing me from running the race He set out for me with efficiency. 

So at what point do you Let go of what was, for the what could be to be born.

In the midst of writing this God revealed to me that it's not our job to resuscitate… it's our job to place it into His hands and trust Him with the outcome. 

When you let go of something, God can resurrect it…OR He can give you something else with new life.

But He won't do any of that while we are still holding onto it for dear life. 

There is a new season for everything…Let go of the old one and keep watch for the new.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

A Time for Everything

"For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work?  I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time."

A time to tear down, and a time to build up… I think this is a season of tearing down old ways of doing things, and waiting for God to show me new ways of building up.

I'm not giving up, I'm just letting go of what was, for what could be so that God gets to choose whether to resuscitate or not and then make it beautiful, in it's own time.

Guatemala

Ive been back from Guatemala for 2 weeks and I haven't yet been able to really pull my thoughts together on the whole trip. It was a rollercoatser of emotions. I think I felt every emotion that God has given me.
It was hard, yet heart warming. It was challenging, yet beautiful. It was draining, and yet very fulfilling.
But through it all I saw God more tangibly than I have ever seen Him.

Some days I read things that really hit the point of feelings accumulated over there, and other times there are no feelings... just numbness.

There is so much need and so much darkness that you feel incapable of really being able to do anything. Yet Gods word tells us to be a light in the darkness, to let our light shine. It's what He has called each one of us to do. And while sometimes that feels so minute in the midst of the severity of it all, it can also be the biggest impact in even one persons life.

While we were in Guatemala, there was an accident. There were two people who were killed in the accident. One was a girl named Ani, she was the sister of the boy who I met and sponsored 4 years ago (David Dani). I can't explain to you how much compassion I felt for him in this moment. I didn't know what words to say that could make him feel some sort of comfort, I just sat there on the floor and cried with him.

I read this morning in a blog that sometimes "The gift of your presence IS the present."
Your presence in times of trouble, is the gift to the person grieving.

Dani's brother, Elias, also has a sponsor (Named Kellie) who is a friend of mine, she was on the trip with me and was there to grieve with Elias too.

Gods timing is perfect.

When I met David Dani 4 years ago - 2011

Him and I this trip - 2015

Elias & Kellie Nov 2014

Their sister, Ani

To think that God planned to place Kellie and I there at Casa the week that these two boys needed people who loved them in their time of trouble, just showed me how God is ALWAYS in the details.

So much so, that even when Mike (the man who started Casa) preached a sermon on Sunday called "Are you really saved?" didn't know what was coming a few days later.
He stressed that it's not about religion, or rules, or works…but if you died tomorrow, do you know who Jesus is?
He gave people the opportunity to come forward if they wanted to know Jesus. Ani went that day and stated that she wanted to know Jesus. God knew that a few days later she would be with Him.
God is in the details even when we don't know it in the moment.

I also read in the same blog this morning:
"We serve a God who fulfills His promises, and it is His delight to reveal Himself amidst a swirl of troubles. He calls us to be still and wait patiently, and in His goodness, even gifts us with the faith to do so (Ephesians 2:8). Even before the floodwaters swell over our head, He has already prepared a safe passage."

I hadn't been back to Casa in 4 years, but have always kept in contact with Dani.
I didn't quite know why I was going on this trip and had said no the first time I was asked to come along.
Yet God later put it on my heart to go, even without details of why… then the accident happened and it made me aware that God had already gone before and knew what was coming. He knew that these two boys would need shoulders to cry on. And Kellie and I got the honor of being those two shoulders.

I pray that all Dani and Elias could see in their time of darkness, was God's light shining through two people with no words, but the gift of compassion that God so generously placed in us for that moment.

This generation & commitment...

There are few and far between who practice things anymore, there is more of a "Just do it now coz you might not get to do it again" attitude. I am speaking from a place of struggle & have had to learn to make the switch in my life.

Think about when people diet, instead of getting ourselves ready in the few days before by implementing good habits to lead into the diet well, we gorge on bad foods because we aren't going to eat them for a while. That makes the sugar withdrawals worse and causes us to crash harder than we would have if we hadn't stuffed our face. We make things so much more difficult for ourselves! 

Or think about when we are single, we do things that we say we wouldn't do when we get married because "One day I'll be married and won't be able to do this" as though it's a prison sentence and a place of restriction. 

Yet the very thing you are doing, you are practicing…and that habit will become stronger.

Instead we need to get in the mind set of PRACTICE, and practice the RIGHT habit. 

I think older generations did this well, this generation has lost that mind set.

We all need to start practicing; practice commitment, practice work ethic, practice your word, practice your character, your values and morals. Marriages fall apart these days because we live in such a instant gratification world and if it isn't making ME happy then I need to get rid of it and find the thing that does. People don't understand the importance of a vow before God, a commitment made, a given word.

Back in the day people never wrote contracts, they shook hands and gave their word. These days even a written contract is a joke. How did we get here? ...and how do we get back?

I want to see marriages like my grandparents, 67 years and still going. It's not easy, they sometimes don't like each other, but they committed and made it work.

Before you go getting all uptight telling me sometimes there are reasons for divorce…I get that, I've been married…and divorced. It may have been the toughest thing I've gone through this far in my life, but the biggest blessing also. It has given me a new appreciation & respect for marriage.

You see, before I was married I thought marriage was just a piece of paper. It certainly wasn't that big of a deal if it didn't work and we just moved on. But as I've gone through some things; become a Christian, learned the standard that God set in place for the very thing He created, and seen Godly marriages around me, I realize marriage is a lot more than a piece of paper.

It's a vow…not just to your spouse, but to God. A commitment…not just to your spouse, but to God. And in order to stand firm in this, you must practice. You must practice keeping your word, building your character, standing for what you believe in or value most, practice being faithful, practice where you let your eyes look, practice honor, love, purity and self control. You can do this in any aspect of life. Any friendship, job, relationship, even if you're not married (it'll prepare you for when you are).

I read in a book by Andy Stanley once that practicing commitment is like training for a marathon. You can't one day "be committed" just like you can't one day "run a marathon". As much as your little heart desires it ain't gonna happen…unless you train for it! Practice the right things!!!!!

I am not perfect and I still have a lot of work in this arena, I'm not running a marathon yet. But when the time comes to be committed, I will do it because I've practiced, over and over and over again. 

I pray for our generation and the one following, that they would learn to practice the important things in life. Not what the new fashion is, how to take a selfie, or how to post a bajillion things on Facebook, instagram or twitter. But to really build their character, be people of their word, remain faithful even in the hard times, be authentic, truthful and own up to their mistakes, to be graceful and forgive, to work hard no matter what position they are in, and most of all to be committed to their spouse when the time comes.

In 2011 I wrote on "Practice makes perfect" you can check it out by clicking on that phrase.

What is Gods will?

…that’s always the big question.
Well recently God made that fantastically clear to me and I’d like to share it with anyone who wants to inherit the wisdom! That is, of course, Gods will!

Let me explain…

A will or testament is :

“A legal declaration of a persons wishes regarding his property after death.”

This was also interesting to me… The word property is also described as

 “An attribute, quality or characteristic of something.”

Inheritance is:

“Passing on of property, titles, debts, rights, obligations upon death of an individual.”

 “Usually people leave an inheritance in their will and a person does not become an heir of that inheritance before the death of the deceased, since the exact identity of the persons entitled to inherit is determined only then. DECIDED UPON, OR CHOSEN BY A PERSON IN AUTHORITY.”

 Wow… you can see where I’m going with this right?

God has authority and chose to leave us an inheritance as his children, BUT someone had to die in order for us to receive it. So he sent Jesus to this earth to teach us and pay our debt by dying for us. Why?... SO THAT not only are we free from a debt we could never pay, but NOW we can inherit God’s estate, property (characteristics, quality, attributes) and alllllll that is in his will.

Side note: An inheritance cannot be EARNED…it is GIVEN! It is available to you NOW because Jesus died. You receive it BY FAITH.

The word inheritance is in the bible 239 times… I think God was trying to make it clear to us that we have one! You are an heir with Christ! 

On our journey as Christians its up to us to learn what that will holds so that we can not only please God, but also receive every bit of that inheritance! I don’t want to live my life oblivious to what’s really mine…and yours!

So I wrote down just a few of the things that I think are part of His will…you can think about it and write a few more of your own.

The first is:

Salvation… It means “Help in distress, rescue, deliver, SET FREE.” Jesus did that for us when he died on the cross…that’s ours to receive. We need not try to earn anything by trying to be a “Good person.”

Rest…ahhh it’s yours

Purpose…it’s yours

Direction…it’s yours

Satisfaction…it’s yours

Patience…yes, even that!

Integrity…it’s yours

Freedom…it’s yours

Forgiveness…it’s yours

Love… it’s yours

Peace…oh yes, that’s yours too!

Joy…it’s yours, receive it!

Grace…it’s yours
Wisdom…it's yours

A Firm Foundation…it’s yours

Mercy…it’s yours

Eternal life! …it’s yours if you want it!

Hope…it’s yours!

Meaning…it’s yours

Holy spirit…it’s definitely yours!

Restoration…it’s yours

A new heart…it’s yours

Strength…it’s yours

Healing…it’s yours!

Guidance…it’s yours

Perseverance…it’s yours, reach out and take it.

Fruits of the spirit…ALL of them!

Stop striving to attain what is already yours, you want to know what God’s will is? It’s receiving all that He has given you.

By GRACE you have been saved, now by FAITH you can receive.