3 years ago today...

This weekend Holly Furtick read part of her friends blog. This line that stood out to me the most:

“I understand what it’s like to hurt, I also understand what it’s like to be healed.”

3 yrs ago today on Sept 7^th 2008 I met someone that changed my life, in a dramatic way. I had heard about Him, read about Him, believed about his existence, but never experienced what it was like to KNOW Him… till that day. That was the day I met Jesus.

Now for all of you who knew me before, knew this was a very far-fetched thing. I never lived a bad life where I shot up heroin everyday or stole cars to go joyriding on the weekend. But I definitely was NOT a Jesus girl. I was kindhearted, loved to do things for others, & got in minor amounts of trouble as most do growing up. I did drink excessive amounts, but I’m from England, it’s a usual thing there :) and it was never an issue. I lived a pretty regular life. However, I did think all Christians were nut jobs!

I moved to the states when I was 16, finished hair school & started dating my husband at 20 & got married at the young age of 21.

Our marriage wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t perfect and we had a rough 1^st year. But we muscled through it & 4 yrs later we were at a point where we were in a good place…or so I thought.

I was 25 and my world was about to come crashing down around me. My husband decided I wasn’t enough & left me for someone else, someone I knew.

There was a lot of things I uncovered about him that left me dumbfounded. I felt like I had been living with a complete stranger. My trust for men AND women was completely shattered. I didn’t know what to believe anymore or who to trust, other than my parents. My whole world was put into question.

I would look at people & wonder

“Are they REALLY who they say they are?”

“Do they REALLY mean what they are saying? “

“What kind of other lives are they REALLY living?”

There was still a part of me that was in denial that this was all truly happening…until a week later when I saw my husband with his new girlfriend…I completely lost it and started throwing punches like Mike Tyson, which was very out of character for me, I’d never hit anyone in my life but I had so much anger inside of me.

“How could you do this to me? How could you throw away 5 years? Why wasn’t I enough?” were all the thoughts flooding through my mind.

My denial was gone, I knew it was real, and then, I felt numb.

I didn’t think it could get any worse until I had a phone call that there was a warrant out for my arrest. He had pressed charges…2 counts of assault & 1 count of communicating threats.

I turned myself in, they handcuffed me & I went to jail for 29 hours. It doesn’t seem very long but it felt like the longest 29 hours of my life. I was humiliated when I had to walk into the courtroom in front of my parents with an “Inmate” suit on & shackles around my ankles. I can honestly say I was at rock bottom. I got 1 yr probation & had to do anger management classes, I wasn’t allowed to leave the state so had to get an apartment in NC since my house was in SC. I never thought in a million years that I would be standing here, in this kind of situation. I couldn’t care if my life ended.

At this point, I can’t explain the anger I felt towards my husband. Everything had spun out of control & I felt like I was sinking in quick sand, gasping for air…only I’d given up the will to fight.

It was 5 months later that I was invited to Elevation church. I had only been to Church on one other occasion in my entire life and swore I would NEVER go back…it wasn’t my thing, I believed in God but didn’t feel like I needed to be in Church. On Sept 7^th 2008 I figured I’d go, after all, what did I have to lose at this point!?

I walked into Providence high school, which was where Church was being held. I listened to the sermon Pastor Steven preached about how sometimes we feel cut off from God. How we feel He isn’t there & we wonder why all this bad stuff is happening to us. Only He IS there. He was pruning us, cutting all the dead away so that we can become more fruitful. I let these words sink in…they hit deep; they touched a place in my heart that had been hardened. God’s word was cracking through those walls that I’d built up. Pastor Steven asked if those of us that don’t know Jesus, would open our hearts & let Him in to begin work & heal broken places…I raised my hand. That was the day I accepted Christ as my savior.

I can’t explain the way I felt when I walked out of there that day, not so much changed, but my thinking had changed, my perspective had changed. I was on a new path, heading in a new direction, with Jesus walking beside me.

3 years later I AM changed. I am still heading in a new direction & I am enjoying the journey. Jesus has healed me from the inside out. He walked with me through all the hurt & pain & carried me to the other side when I didn’t have the strength to walk. He has made me a new creation; He has set me on a new path to become all God created me to be. He showed me how to love, how to forgive, how to trust again.

People will still fail me, we are human and it’s to be expected. But HE doesn’t. Life will still get scary & there will be bumps in the road. But HE is there to help guide me. There will still be times where I walk through dark alleys. But His word is a lamp to my feet. His love is so captivating that I never want to be without it. I want all my friends, family & even my ex husband to know the love of Jesus. HE can heal you. He can change you in the best possible way. He can fulfill you more than any earthly thing that you run after.

I dread to think where my life would be if I’d never met Jesus that day. I am forever grateful. I will never forget where He brought me from & I’m excited to see where He is taking me.

He has ingrained a vision on my heart called SOUL 139 to help the underprivileged. I feel honored that God would choose me & allow me to be His hands and feet, to show His love to those that don’t feel loved. So that they may come to KNOW Him & experience the one person whose love never fails.

I have never felt more satisfied, content, comfortable, confident, whole & loved as I do today. He is my savior, my redeemer, my healer, my protector, my God,

He is Jesus…the way, the truth & the life.

Course Adjustment

I was reading a book called 'God is more than enough' this morning and came across this story...I thought it was a great illustration and wanted to share it with you! so here it is...

A car I once owned had a navigational system that for a long time I never used. It was just too much like a computer (in fact it WAS a computer) and people who know mw know that I'm not into computer stuff. So I was stubbornly continuing to find my own way everywhere.
Then one day my son set the system up for me, and punched in where I needed to go that day. He set it all up, and told me the computer would talk to me and tell me where to turn and where to go. So I thought I'd give it a try.
The first thing it told me to do was to back out from my garage. I was shocked. Then it told me how far to continue down the alley to get out onto the street. Step by step it continued giving me every turn to make and the distance for every part of the route, and very soon I was cruising down the freeway. This thing was guiding me all the way, and I was resting. All I had to do was listen to the still small voice of the computer, and it would get me somewhere. The computer had already scoped out the big picture, and it was applying that knowledge to my direction. It was leading me in the paths that were right.
As I drove along I thought, This thing is starting to get fun! Then, as I continued down the freeway, I decided I would check the computer. When the computer told me to get off at the next exit, I kept going. Immediately after I drove past the exit, the computer screen went blank. It totally shut down. I had beaten the system!!
But suddenly the computer popped back on, all by itself, and let me know I would have to take an alternate route. The computer rerouted me. Even though I'd been disobedient and messed up on the first route, even though I had rebelled and chosen my own path, even though I didn't take the way I was supposed to take originally, the computer adjusted to my situation and kept leading me. The computer found me in my disobedience. It found me in my rebellion and created an alternate route, and still got me to the place I was supposed to go.
The bible calls that Grace. Grace is where God meets you, even when you've messed up. He meets you even when you've failed. He meets you even though you've detoured, and He creates an alternate route and still brings you home...so that He will get the glory. He leads us in the right path, always for His name's sake.

If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid

There is a line from Serendipity, one of my favorite movies, that stuck with me from the minute I heard it.

“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid”

Most people that are stuck in their ways, are very prideful & don’t ever want to be thought foolish. Sometimes following Jesus requires us to look foolish and stupid to the world. That’s the only way we will improve. Jesus calls us to die to ourselves and let Him do His work, which will inevitably change us.

The people in Jesus’ day were so busy arguing and were so focused on what THEY thought the messiah was supposed to look like, that they totally missed the messiah… If only they would allow their hearts to be open to believe… What were they scared of? Being made to look stupid? Worried of being made to look foolish for believing in such an absurd man that did unimaginably crazy miracles? Whatever it was, was it really worth it? In my opinion, absolutely not…

Here are a few of the comments made by the people in John 7

“He’s nothing but a fraud who deceives the people.”

Could our leaders possibly believe that he is the Messiah? 27 But how could he be? For we know where this man comes from. When the Messiah comes, he will simply appear; no one will know where he comes from.”

“But he can’t be! Will the Messiah come from Galilee? 42 For the Scriptures clearly state that the Messiah will be born of the royal line of David, in Bethlehem, the village where King David was born.”[h] 43 So the crowd was divided about him.

At the end of the day, I would rather believe & be thought foolish & stupid by the world, than to harden my heart, question every single thing about Jesus & miss out on living an abundant life through Him.

Believe in Him & watch Him turn your life around to be the most fulfilling you have ever experienced…3 yrs ago on Sept 7^th I did…and my life hasn’t been the same… for that, I am eternally thankful that I was willing to be thought foolish for Jesus.

What are you scared of?

If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid

There is a line from one of my favorite movies, Serendipity that stuck with me from the minute I heard it.

“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid”

Most people that are stuck in their ways, are very prideful & don’t ever want to be thought foolish. Sometimes following Jesus requires us to look foolish and stupid to the world. That’s the only way we will improve. Jesus calls us to die to ourselves and let Him do His work, which will inevitably change us.

The people in Jesus’ day were so busy arguing and were so focused on what THEY thought the messiah was supposed to look like, that they totally missed the messiah… If only they would allow their hearts to be open to believe… What were they scared of? Being made to look stupid? Worried of being made to look foolish for believing in such an absurd man that did unimaginably crazy miracles? Whatever it was, was it really worth it? In my opinion, absolutely not…

Here are a few of the comments made by the people in John 7

“He’s nothing but a fraud who deceives the people.”

Could our leaders possibly believe that he is the Messiah? 27 But how could he be? For we know where this man comes from. When the Messiah comes, he will simply appear; no one will know where he comes from.”

“But he can’t be! Will the Messiah come from Galilee? 42 For the Scriptures clearly state that the Messiah will be born of the royal line of David, in Bethlehem, the village where King David was born.”[h] 43 So the crowd was divided about him.

At the end of the day, I would rather believe & be thought foolish & stupid by the world, than to harden my heart, question every single thing about Jesus & miss out on living an abundant life through Him.

Believe in Him & watch Him turn your life around to be the most fulfilling you have ever experienced…3 yrs ago on Sept 7^th I did…and my life hasn’t been the same… for that, I am eternally thankful that I was willing to be thought foolish for Jesus.

What are you scared of?

I now see the one who sees me

Isaiah 43:4 You are precious and honored in my sight.

During my prayer time this morning, I was praying for my boy David that I sponsor. I don’t have kids, so I don’t know what it’s like to love your own child. But knowing David & just getting to spend that week with him, was enough to get a glimpse of that. I feel like I love him more because I KNOW him. I have an other little guy in Ethiopia that I sponsor & while I still care for him, I don’t feel the same about him as I do David, because I don’t KNOW him, I’ve never met him, I see him & write to him, but he doesn’t see me and we have never formed a bond.

God reminded me today that the way I care for David, is the way He cares for me. HE is fond of me, because he KNOWS me. He has always seen me; I have just not always seen Him. I feel the unbeliever would be like my Ethiopian boy, Ashenafi. God loves the unbeliever, but the unbeliever doesn’t KNOW God and doesn’t have a close relationship with Him. And as much as God loves the unbeliever deeply, because He created Him, he is more fond of His child that sees Him back.

If you KNOW Jesus & have a personal relationship with Him, know that He cares for you & knows your every thought, every movement & every hearts desire. He loves you unconditionally & there is nothing you can do that can change that.

If you don’t know Jesus personally, I invite you to start that relationship today. He sees you right where you are, He loves you right where you are, but when you see Him… that’s when the bond forms. When He lifts your eyes to meet His own, that’s when you realize you are loved beyond comprehension, that’s when you start to revolve everything in your life around Him & realize that you are part of a bigger story… that’s a great realization.

I am so grateful that I now see the one who sees me & has always seen me.

LET GO...You are squeezing the life out of something that God wants to breathe life in

God alone knows what is best for us, so why can’t we trust Him with our hearts, dreams, desires & plans?

It is OK to plan & prepare, but we need to LET GO and stop trying to control the outcome, leave that up to God.

That goes for anything in life,

~ Losing weight

~ Starting a business

~ With your spouse

~ If you’re single, looking for a spouse

~ In any friendship/relationship

~ With your kids

Psalm 138:8

The Lord will work out His plans for my life,

For your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.

Maybe God is trying to change something in you & you are so focused on what YOU want to change, that you are missing what God is trying to do.

LET GO…You are squeezing the life out of something that God wants to breathe life into

You need to let go of control and let Him work. Stop focusing on what YOU want & start focusing on what GOD wants to do IN & THROUGH you.

What are you holding on to?

What are you trying to control?

What are you scared of if you let go?

He’s got your situation in His hands; nothing is too big for Him.

Psalm 139:5 says…

You go BEFORE me & FOLLOW me

You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Friend, God has already gone before you, & He’s got your back. He has already let this situation pass through His hands; He knows you can handle it as long as you are dependent on Him.

Stop trying to do it yourself, you will wear yourself out …I know, because I am at that point…For the last few weeks I have been relying on my own strength to get things done, the way I feel they should be done…I’m tired, overwhelmed & just plain exhausted…God spoke softly yesterday and said “Let me do it…”

I wonder when I am going to learn, because I seem to do this every time.

Why do we continue to try to do things in our own strength, when He is willing to do the work?

We just have to let Him…  

Today give God the room, let Him show you just how big He is…Plan & prepare, then let go & let Him do what He’s good at!  I promise you, you’ll feel a lot lighter if you put down the load you are carrying. After all, that’s what Christ died for.

He sees you... even when you don't see Him

Today I was telling the story of my trip to Guatemala to one of my clients. I got to a part that I had told about a squillien times, but God really spoke to me this time.

It was when our team had woken up early to walk the kids to school. We waited outside their dorm at 7am for them to come out. Kristi & I waited a little further up by the bridge to say good morning to the girls who were coming down from a different area. I saw the boys come out of their dorm and each one made their way over to the team member they had made a connection with. I saw David (the boy that I am sponsoring) before he saw me. I stood and watched as he looked for me in the crowd & when he didn’t see me, he put his head down and walked on as though he was disappointed… I stood there with a huge grin on my face because I could see him the whole time & I knew he thought I didn’t come out to see him…when he walked past me with his head down I pushed him. He looked up, saw me, let out a loud “ahhhhh” and gave me a huge hug! That moment made my day…actually my week! 

Today when I told that story, it made me think that’s what happens with God & us.

We are hopeful for something, we think he is going to come through in a certain way…and he doesn’t. We get disappointed thinking He’s forgotten about us & then he totally surprises us with His greatness in another way!!!! And it’s always so much better than we had imagined!

Friend, God hasn’t forgotten about you. He is still there even when you don’t see him. He is watching from afar to see how you will react to the situation He has placed you in before He makes his presence known.

God hasn’t forgotten what it is that you’re asking for either, if He knows YOU, he certainly knows what your heart desires…He is watching you with a huge smile on His face because He knows He’s there. He knows what’s in store for you!!!! Stay hopeful, even when you don’t see him… He sees you.

Live by faith, not by sight ~Pastor Steven Furtick