3 years ago today...

This weekend Holly Furtick read part of her friends blog. This line that stood out to me the most:

“I understand what it’s like to hurt, I also understand what it’s like to be healed.”

3 yrs ago today on Sept 7^th 2008 I met someone that changed my life, in a dramatic way. I had heard about Him, read about Him, believed about his existence, but never experienced what it was like to KNOW Him… till that day. That was the day I met Jesus.

Now for all of you who knew me before, knew this was a very far-fetched thing. I never lived a bad life where I shot up heroin everyday or stole cars to go joyriding on the weekend. But I definitely was NOT a Jesus girl. I was kindhearted, loved to do things for others, & got in minor amounts of trouble as most do growing up. I did drink excessive amounts, but I’m from England, it’s a usual thing there :) and it was never an issue. I lived a pretty regular life. However, I did think all Christians were nut jobs!

I moved to the states when I was 16, finished hair school & started dating my husband at 20 & got married at the young age of 21.

Our marriage wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t perfect and we had a rough 1^st year. But we muscled through it & 4 yrs later we were at a point where we were in a good place…or so I thought.

I was 25 and my world was about to come crashing down around me. My husband decided I wasn’t enough & left me for someone else, someone I knew.

There was a lot of things I uncovered about him that left me dumbfounded. I felt like I had been living with a complete stranger. My trust for men AND women was completely shattered. I didn’t know what to believe anymore or who to trust, other than my parents. My whole world was put into question.

I would look at people & wonder

“Are they REALLY who they say they are?”

“Do they REALLY mean what they are saying? “

“What kind of other lives are they REALLY living?”

There was still a part of me that was in denial that this was all truly happening…until a week later when I saw my husband with his new girlfriend…I completely lost it and started throwing punches like Mike Tyson, which was very out of character for me, I’d never hit anyone in my life but I had so much anger inside of me.

“How could you do this to me? How could you throw away 5 years? Why wasn’t I enough?” were all the thoughts flooding through my mind.

My denial was gone, I knew it was real, and then, I felt numb.

I didn’t think it could get any worse until I had a phone call that there was a warrant out for my arrest. He had pressed charges…2 counts of assault & 1 count of communicating threats.

I turned myself in, they handcuffed me & I went to jail for 29 hours. It doesn’t seem very long but it felt like the longest 29 hours of my life. I was humiliated when I had to walk into the courtroom in front of my parents with an “Inmate” suit on & shackles around my ankles. I can honestly say I was at rock bottom. I got 1 yr probation & had to do anger management classes, I wasn’t allowed to leave the state so had to get an apartment in NC since my house was in SC. I never thought in a million years that I would be standing here, in this kind of situation. I couldn’t care if my life ended.

At this point, I can’t explain the anger I felt towards my husband. Everything had spun out of control & I felt like I was sinking in quick sand, gasping for air…only I’d given up the will to fight.

It was 5 months later that I was invited to Elevation church. I had only been to Church on one other occasion in my entire life and swore I would NEVER go back…it wasn’t my thing, I believed in God but didn’t feel like I needed to be in Church. On Sept 7^th 2008 I figured I’d go, after all, what did I have to lose at this point!?

I walked into Providence high school, which was where Church was being held. I listened to the sermon Pastor Steven preached about how sometimes we feel cut off from God. How we feel He isn’t there & we wonder why all this bad stuff is happening to us. Only He IS there. He was pruning us, cutting all the dead away so that we can become more fruitful. I let these words sink in…they hit deep; they touched a place in my heart that had been hardened. God’s word was cracking through those walls that I’d built up. Pastor Steven asked if those of us that don’t know Jesus, would open our hearts & let Him in to begin work & heal broken places…I raised my hand. That was the day I accepted Christ as my savior.

I can’t explain the way I felt when I walked out of there that day, not so much changed, but my thinking had changed, my perspective had changed. I was on a new path, heading in a new direction, with Jesus walking beside me.

3 years later I AM changed. I am still heading in a new direction & I am enjoying the journey. Jesus has healed me from the inside out. He walked with me through all the hurt & pain & carried me to the other side when I didn’t have the strength to walk. He has made me a new creation; He has set me on a new path to become all God created me to be. He showed me how to love, how to forgive, how to trust again.

People will still fail me, we are human and it’s to be expected. But HE doesn’t. Life will still get scary & there will be bumps in the road. But HE is there to help guide me. There will still be times where I walk through dark alleys. But His word is a lamp to my feet. His love is so captivating that I never want to be without it. I want all my friends, family & even my ex husband to know the love of Jesus. HE can heal you. He can change you in the best possible way. He can fulfill you more than any earthly thing that you run after.

I dread to think where my life would be if I’d never met Jesus that day. I am forever grateful. I will never forget where He brought me from & I’m excited to see where He is taking me.

He has ingrained a vision on my heart called SOUL 139 to help the underprivileged. I feel honored that God would choose me & allow me to be His hands and feet, to show His love to those that don’t feel loved. So that they may come to KNOW Him & experience the one person whose love never fails.

I have never felt more satisfied, content, comfortable, confident, whole & loved as I do today. He is my savior, my redeemer, my healer, my protector, my God,

He is Jesus…the way, the truth & the life.