Guatemala 2011

I can’t even begin to put into words the feelings Guatemala left me with. I never in a million years could have predicted the impact these Children had on me.

I have to be honest, when I first arrived at Casa I thought “what on earth am I doing here…I can’t talk to these kids. I’m not gonna have an impact on them, I have no idea what they have been through” I was right about one thing…I may not have had an impact on them… they had one on me!!!

 I left my heart in Guatemala with the kids, particularly one boy… his name was Danni David Roca Lopez. I met him half way through the week. I was getting attached to so many of the kids, but God kept putting David on my heart. He was sort of stand offish, which a lot of the kids there are…they have so many groups come in and out, why would they open up to someone, only to be left a week later?

When he played cards with us he kept cheating & putting the cards in his pockets. I called him the hustler of the group! Everytime you asked him a question he would roll his eyes and go “pssshhh”  if you asked him his name, he would lie & say “Jose’” or “Carlos” anything but his real name, and would crack up laughing. I started asking him about his rings as he had on two. They werern’t really rings, they were plumbing tube rings but he wore them all the time. When I finally got him talking he told me that he wanted to get rings on every finger. I felt led to give David my ring. It was my John 15 ring that I swore I would never give away. It made my heart happy to give that to him. He sat and looked at it for ages & said “for me!?” he seemed surprised that someone would give HIM something. From that point on, he was totally different with me. He hated having his photo taken, but he would let me take it. He would never smile if in a photo, and he would smile if I asked him to…towards the end of the week, I didn’t even have to ask, he just did…it was amazing to see him open up so much more than when I first met him. He even gave me hugs every once in a while! We spent a lot of time together & I finally told him that I was going to sponsor him…I had never seen him smile so big all week. I can’t explain the way it made me feel to see him show some kind of emotion. It made me happy to see him happy.

God really worked in my heart on this trip. He broke my heart for what breaks His. When I think about the children at Casa, I cry. Partially happy tears because they are in a great place, partially sad tears because of what they have been through to end up there. I’m so grateful for the life that I have been given. These kids have nothing, they don’t have anybody to tell them that they are loved, they don’t have parents, or someone to pour into them constantly, they have ripped shoes & clothes, they literally have nothing but one another, yet they have so much joy. The smiles on some of their faces are unforgettable.

There was a boy named Jose who had just arrived at Casa, he had the most amazing heart. Unlike David, he was very affectionate. He would be smiling all the time & come running to give you a hug as soon as he saw you. The day we left, I cried & he walked up to me, gave me a huge hug & rubbed my back…it made me laugh that a 10 yr old was consoling me. He is such a sweet boy & I hope life doesn’t change that.

This trip made me walk away with the realization that life is too short to be busy “doing” all the time… Yes we should love to serve…but we also need to take time to “savor”  (thank you Kristi) each blessing God puts in our life. I left Casa thinking that if these kids that have been through so much in their lives can have joy & smile because they are alive, no longer being abused & know Jesus. Then why can’t we smile all the time…we have SO much to be thankful for! It goes to show, stuff really doesn’t bring you happiness. If anything, it takes happiness away.
To see the way these kids live their lives, showed me that Jesus can heal more than I could ever imagine! Learn to love one another, fully. Savor each moment. Endure hard times with joy & keep your eyes on Jesus. He is our source…no one or nothing can fulfill & heal us the way He can.

                                      
WHEN I GAVE DAVID THE RING, CISSY CAUGHT THE MOMENT ON CAMERA.

THE FIRST DAY DAVID STARTED TO TALK TO ME PROPERLY

WHEN I TOLD DAVID I WAS GOING TO BE HIS SPONSOR

THE LAST NIGHT AT THE SOCCER TOURN. I LOVE THIS KID!!!!!!!!

A poem from my Nanna

I wanted to share my "Grandmas poem of wisdom" that I found in my bedside drawer today! It touched my heart & I hope it does yours.

From my Nanna to me!

I've travelled paths you've yet to walk
Learned lessons old and new
And now this wisdom of my life
I'm blessed to share with you

Let kindness spread like sunshine
Embrace those who are sad
Respect their dignity, give them joy
And leave them feeling glad

Forgive those who might hurt you
And though you have your pride
Listen closely to their viewpoint
Try to see the other side

Walk softly when you're angry
Try not to take offense
Invoke your sense of humor
Laughters power is immense

Express what you are feeling
Your beliefs you should uphold
Don't shy away from what is right
Be courageous and be bold

Keep hope right in your pocket
It will guide you day by day
Take it out when it is needed
When it's near you'll find a way

Remember friends & family
Of which you are a precious part
Love deeply and love truly
Give freely from your heart

The world is far from perfect
There's conflict & there's strife
But you still can make a difference
By how you live your life

And so I'm very blessed to know
The wonders you will do
Because you are my Granddaughter
And I believe in you!

Don't miss the point

The Gospel has been distorted over the years & it has resorted to being about rules and restrictions rather than a relationship. The plot has been lost. The point has been missed.

There are still so many Christians out there that are racist, homophobes & extremely judgmental about the way other people live their lives! These people definitely DON’T show the love of Christ. They make un-believers reject Jesus! They even make some Christians want to reject being a “Christian.” I know I don’t want to be associated with any of that.

People can get so focused on things that don’t matter…it’s not about any of that!!! Don’t miss the point! Jesus didn’t die on the cross for you to be able to go around pointing the finger & deciding who goes to heaven & who doesn’t, who is worthy & who isn’t…that’s not your job. He died on the cross to set us free from the sin that holds us captive. He died on the cross to carry our heavy burdens so that we don’t have to. He died on the cross to show how much God loves each & every one of us…UNCONDITIONALLY, and it’s way more than you or I can fully comprehend.

The Gospel is supposed to give hope…In the book I recently read, Love Wins, the author makes a good point when he tells the story of a son dying and a Christian woman asks the mum “was he a Christian?” when the mum says “no” the Christian woman responds with “so there is no hope then” …WHAT!?!?!.... What kind of love is that??

THE GOSPEL IS ABOUT HOPE…what kind of hope does that give the mother who just lost her child?!  What about that statement would make that mother WANT to know Jesus during her time of suffering? Or ever? 

That “Christian” woman just pointed this poor mother in the complete opposite direction of the one thing that could help her through it…Jesus.

Who is she to say that woman’s child didn’t go home to be with his father, that loves him unconditionally, that sent his son to die for him, that created him & knows him inside & out?

“You don’t have to DO anything; God has already done it through Jesus.” Rob Bell

God offers a free gift of eternal life through Jesus, we cannot earn by our own efforts, works or good deeds. Only God can judge that…not us, ever

We get accepted by Gods Grace…by His mercy, that’s it!!!!

You don’t HAVE to go to Church, you don’t HAVE to read the bible, you don’t HAVE to live your life a certain way, and we are all given a choice. But God instructs that we do because we will be in our sweet spot, where he designed us to be. Sin is crippling, He instructs us to live a certain way so that we can have a FREE life. Discipline brings freedom. Christ brings freedom.

The point of Church, fellowship & bible study is to draw closer to God because it’s there that you learn what His character is like, you learn that God IS love, God IS good & He IS great. It is there that you are supposed to get fed so that you can go out and feed others.

When we realize life is not about us & we are indeed a part of a bigger story, we start to get a different perspective. God is always present no matter where you are, it’s just up to us to seek Him & open our eyes to see the blessings that He puts in front of us everyday. It’s up to us to lean into Him and rest in His strength & not try to do it on our own. Seek & you shall find.  

Jesus’ message isn’t about getting somewhere else… or HOW to get to heaven, it’s about bringing that somewhere else here, bringing heaven to earth…It’s about living life in Him abundantly NOW, growing yourself as a person to be more like Jesus, caring for others, showing compassion, helping people, putting others first, going above and beyond…but not because you HAVE to, but because you WANT to… because you know that Jesus loves you unconditionally… it brings that out in you. When you realize that, you can’t help but love others the same way He loves you- be a mirror and reflect Gods love to others.

Pregnant with desire

I was reading Captivating today and there was a section that caught my attention. It said:

“The waiting does not diminish us. As a pregnant woman is enlarged in her waiting, so are our hearts. God does not always give us what we so desperately want, when we want it. He is after something much more valuable than our happiness. He is restoring & growing in us an eternal weight of glory.”

It got me thinking…

Much like a pregnancy, God puts a desire in us, He grows it while we wait. He calls us to be patient during time of growth. Then he births it when the time is right.

We always tend to push things along. I know I do that often! We think we are ready & want it NOW… and what could have been great in Gods timing, is now defected because we rushed it & pushed for OUR timing.

I like the definition of the word defected:

The lack of something necessary or desirable for completion or perfection

With any situation, if we wait patiently on His timing, it will be perfect. Before then there could be complications & incomplete growth.

Its time to come before Him, unguarded, undistracted & be fully present. Stop trying to be in control, open up, let your defense down & let God grow you during this time of waiting. He will do more than you could ever imagine, just seek Him & ask!

Be patient, persistent, but purposeful. 

The process is what we go through to receive the gift

Who was Kat before Christ?

A friend asked me not so long ago “Who was Kat before Christ?”

We were at dinner with lots of other people and I thought it was a bit of an in depth question to answer right then and there, so I spluttered out something that later, I felt very unfulfilled with.

The question came back up when I was reading this morning, and I felt as though God was asking me again “who were you before me?” I took the time to write down who I was then & who I am now…It really made me see how much has changed in my life & how much God has captivated my heart in ways that I didn’t even realize, because I’m so caught up in every day life & learning to walk with Him.

Whether you have walked with Him a long time, or just gave your life to Him…we ALL still tend to forget what He’s done. Sometimes we just don’t allow ourselves to think that deep, we stay surface level, it’s safer… but I’m going to ask you

Who were you before Christ? What has Jesus done in your life since that defining moment of when you truly gave your life to Him?

If you don’t know Christ then I will ask “Who are you?” and do you think you’re missing the mark on who God made you to be? Friend, I want nothing more than for you to know who you COULD be if you knew Christ. God brings out the best in all of us…He made us, so He knows what’s best for us.

I will share my "THEN's" & "NOW's" with you as maybe it will help initiate your thought process.

THEN

I never knew I was loved by God

I was closed off to people

I was lonely even though I had tons of friends

I didn’t know how to show or receive affection

I didn’t believe in waiting till I was married to have sex

I was somewhat wreckless

I wasn’t secure in who I was

I didn’t have joy

I had no purpose

I loved to do for others but was too embarrassed to do it

I was selfish

I was a hard worker but didn’t want to be seen as a “goody two shoes”

I cared tremendously what people thought

I would seek attention, usually from men

I was scared

I was negative

I would stay in my comfort zone

I thought I was loved conditionally

I was shy & quiet

I thought I was “too much to handle” “not good enough” “unworthy”

I would never initiate conversations

I would NEVER be vulnerable

I didn’t trust, and if I did it was always an unsafe person

I didn’t like affection or emotional/romantic ushy gushy things because I didn’t know how to handle it

I never wanted kids or to get married because I thought it was a sign of neediness & weakness to be a “mother & wife” (boy was I wrong)

I thought crying was a sign of weakness

I thought I had to always have it all together

I held onto bitterness & unforgiveness

I wanted revenge for those that hurt me

NOW

I know Jesus loves me

I know I am beautiful the way God made me & I will strive to look after what He gave me

I LOVE to help & do for others & I’m not embarrassed to do it

I can receive a compliment

I’m joyful

I’m content

I have a purpose

I will get out of my comfort zone because I know God will grow me the most there

I’m a reader

I’m a leader (because readers are leaders) ha

I will talk to people I don’t know

I want a family of my own

I am learning that it’s OK to be independent & still be vulnerable

I am learning to get comfortable with affection & accepting words of love from friends & family

I am learning I don’t have to have it together all the time & I don’t have to be tough

I’m an encourager

I know not to stay in discouragement because God has amazing things planned for my life!

I’m not scared when bad things happen because I know God has already allowed it to happen & HE will walk with me through it…

I have a different perspective, I look for lessons in every situation

I’m learning to trust safe people

I forgive because I am forgiven

I don’t hold onto bitterness

I don’t want revenge & I hurt for those that hurt me

I am learning how to give my burdens to God…Jesus died so that I don’t have to carry them (this will always be a struggle)

I can still be selfish sometimes, I’m human, but know now that I need to regain my focus on God and do what He’s asking me to do and put others before myself

I am a hard worker, but I do it FOR Him & to make a difference on this earth like He put me here to do.

My heart hurts for hurting people

I have peace

I want for people to know the love of Christ

I want to wait till I’m married to be intimate. I don’t want to share that with anyone other than my husband

I’m attracted to a completely different type of person

I seek God for attention & acceptance, only He can fulfill me the way I was always looking for

What used to make me happy (or so I thought) doesn’t even have a place in my schedule

I never thought that I’d LOVE to spend a Saturday night reading Gods word rather than going out partying. Some of that comes with age too :)

I want what God wants rather than what I want, He always ends up giving me what I desire when it’s the same thing He wants anyway!

I’m secure in who I am, because I know WHOSE I am…. I know who I belong to & that’s all that matters

I’m not who I was, but I’m not yet who I will be either. I am who I am, because He made me that way and each day He shows me how to grow & be better.

Hope this helps you get started in beginning to see who you are in Christ. :)

God is faithful, believe His promises

Believing God for His promises is sometimes a difficult thing to do.

In Dec 2010 I felt like God was starting to prepare me for a spouse. Didn’t know how, when or who, but I felt like he was strategically placing people in my life to prepare me for that. He was showing me that there ARE Godly men worth waiting for. He was placing Godly relationships & marriages around me that I could watch & learn from. I didn’t know then, and still don’t know now, who that person is. Those are not details I wish to be hung up on.

But since then, God has asked me to give up certain relationships…. which at the time seemed really hard. Now that I look back on it, it wasn’t too bad & it was the best thing for me. (who woulda thought, God knows what He’s doing!?)

God won’t bring the RIGHT person in your life while you are hung up on the WRONG person.

Sometimes I get discouraged and think

“Did God really promise me this?”

“Was it just my own desire?”

“When will be MY time?”

“Am I going to be one of those that he has called to be single?”

“Do I REALLY want a husband?”

“I am happy & very content on my own, why let go of that?”

So when I start to doubt & get discouraged I tell myself…

Yes, He did promise me this.

Yes it is my desire, but I run after God & my heart desires what He desires for me. A Godly man that when partnered with me, we’ll be a team unstoppable for Christ.

No, God has not called me to be single.

Who knows when my time is, stop asking & let God work.

 Yes, I do want a husband.

And the reason I should let go of something good (being on my own) when the time comes, for something better (a husband) is because it’s worth it…even though it may be more work, it will grow me, strengthen me, push me closer to God, get me out of my comfort zone, test my faith, make me lean on Him & will teach me how to be selfless…AND I will make a bigger impact for Christ when partnered with the right person.

That’s the last thing satan wants, so of course he is going to try to discourage me… he uses the same tactic every time, I know when he does it but don’t always know how to fight it… today, that changes!

Writing about Gods promises & past faithfulness will help me trust Him in my future.

There is always a waiting period between the promise & the payoff… what are you gonna do during that waiting period?? Will you sit & whine about not getting what God has promised yet? Will you sit & doubt that God DID actually promise? Or will you push on, learn, grow, be obedient in the little things He has called you to NOW & believe God confidently while you’re waiting?!

Some encouraging verses to help you remember that God will come through on what He has promised you. Whether that be a husband/wife, a job, a baby, a strong marriage, provision or just peace & rest. He will provide what He has promised… in His time! In the meantime, keep your eyes on Him, do what He’s called you to do & Trust Him!

Hebrews 10:23-25

“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love & good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return draws near.

Hebrews 10:35-36

So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do Gods will. Then you will receive all that He has promised”

Hebrews 11:1

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen. It gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”

Practice makes perfect, be careful what you practice

Each morning I receive an email from Girlfriends In God.  It’s usually some scripture, a story and how it relates to God in our lives and some encouragement. I then went on to read James 3 because that’s what my bible was open to and funnily enough it talked about the same subject.

God is clearly speaking to me about this today because it was mentioned in each thing I read… My words.

How you use your words can really make or break a person. In the email I read the quote

“How do you use your words? To fortify or flatten, to defend or defeat, complete or compete”

How many times do we carelessly let words flow and not think of the damage it can cause another person, even when we’re not intending it to? I know I do it often, usually in a playful manner, but nonetheless…it doesn’t make them any less deflating or destructive.

James 3:3-6 says

We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in it’s mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest fire.

What you say and what you DON’T say are both important. In James 3 it talks about examples of an untamed tongue

Gossiping, exaggerating, complaining, manipulating, flattery, lying, bragging, & putting others down.

Before you speak, ask, is what I want to say true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?

James 3:7-12 says

“People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, & fish. But no one can tame the human tongue. It is relentless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes the tongue praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing & cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely my brothers and sisters, that’s not right. Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water & bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.

My contradictory speech will often surprise me, I’ll sit and think “why do I have so say things like that?” or “where on earth did that come from” At times my words are pleasing to God, other times they are destructive. Which of these reflect my true identity?

The bible says “We are made in Gods image, but the tongue gives us a picture of our basic sinful nature. The Holy Spirit changes us from the inside out. When the Holy Spirit purifies a heart, he gives self control so that the person will speak words that please God.”

Today I pray that the Lord will continue to convict me when I start to become a salty spring. I want my words to reflect Jesus inside of me, not me. I want to speak life into those around me & lift them up, not tear them down.

My downfall is that I don’t mean it and it’s my way of playing, I usually only do it when I feel comfortable around a person enough to play that way. It may start as a spark but there will come a point that it will start a huge fire…

I read something the other day that said

“Practice makes perfect, be careful what you practice”

I don’t ever want to put something into practice that will become perfect, if it’s not joined with life.

Speak life to those around you today, encourage, inspire, love and see their potential skyrocket.